Carattini Diary


It’s crazy to see that in other states there are couples who are 19, 20, 21 getting married and starting their own family, and here we are at 22, 23, 24 and still playing this runaround.

I’ll be honest with you- I don’t get it.

I don’t understand what is so appealing about never wanting to grow up. I don’t know why anyone would want to avoid real life because sooner or later it’s going to hit you.

When it does, you’ll realize that it’s too late- that you’re too late. You’ll have missed your shot and you’ll be stuck living with regret.

And maybe you’re okay with that, but I’m not.

I’m not okay sitting around wondering if I should be waiting for you, or if waiting for you is wasting my time. I’m not okay thinking of everything I wish I was doing, instead of just doing it. I’m not okay continuing to allow you into my life when you keep walking out of it. I’m not okay waking up one day and finding out that it’s too late for me.

I will not be okay with missing my shot and living with regret- because I’ve already done that too many times.

So to the Peter Pans in my life- the ones that are no stranger to being unintentional when it comes to my heart, the ones who would sooner disappear off the face of the planet than text me, “Good Morning, hope you have a great day!”, the ones who say one thing but show the complete opposite– it’s to you I echo Wendy:

I’m sorry, I must grow up.

I can’t, I won’t, and to be honest I don’t want to be stuck flying around in NeverLand. There is so much to look forward to here, the future is ours for the taking, opportunities stretch endlessly before us, and I want to take them- I don’t want to miss them.

I really don’t want to sit around and wait for you to figure out what I already have- growing up is worth it.

Living intentionally, no guessing games, no back and forth, no pretending- actually LIVING life – is worth it. So very worth it.

I’m not going to sit here and apologize for deciding to get off this roller coaster ride. I’m not going to say sorry for letting go of the idea of NeverLand. I’m not going to tell you that I’ll still be waiting, because I don’t plan to be.

And guess what? In doing that, in finally choosing to take hold of my future and not wait around, I found I never needed you to help me fly.







*An edited version of this article was published on PuckerMob 
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About Janine

twenty-something, relentlessly pursuing after Jesus and a life of dignity, grace, and strength.
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