Carattini Diary

Let’s Not Give Up

Hi you,

Yes– Y O U.

I know you’re struggling. I see you trying to hide behind a not so real smile and an, “I’m doing fine”.

I see you avoid the question altogether, or drop your gaze when people finally ask you what you’re doing next. I see you take a deep breath, and with a faith you don’t quite feel you say, “Letting God lead me”.

You aren’t where you thought you’d be and that kills you. Everything you used to dream about is so far from reality you’re trying to figure out where you went wrong.

When did you make a left instead of a right?

Where is the girl that you used to be? The one that wanted to change the world? The one that believed that she was right where she was supposed to be?

I see the frustration in your eyes, your smile, your silence.

I know about that piece of paper you tore out of your journal and threw on the fire, thinking that maybe if you pretend it was never written there you won’t be so disappointed.

I know the questions that are swirling in your head: Were your dreams just that? Simply dreams?

At one point you would have sworn that God gave them to you. That those desires in your heart were placed there specifically by Him and that it was so incredibly clear what He was asking you to do.

But now it’s a bit muddy.

Maybe you stayed too long in one place, maybe you stopped too soon? I can see the wheels in your head turning until the tears blur your vision. And then the tears exhaust you. And then you just want to be done.

I know- because I’m you.

I’m right there with you. I’m trying to figure out where I made a left instead of a right. I’m wondering if I stopped too soon, or if I stayed too long. I can no longer count the pages that were ripped from my journals- haunting dreams that I try to pretend were never there.

When I’m trapped by the question of what I’m doing next with my life, I take a deep breath and with a faith I don’t quite feel I say, “I’m letting God lead me”.

I look at myself in the mirror and try to figure out just who I am- trying so hard to find the girl that I used to see.

So I know. I know it’s not easy. I know that you’re struggling. I know that you’re just about ready to give up- because so am I.

But then I wouldn’t be the girl that I used to see. The girl that wanted to change the world, but would be happy helping just one person. And I’m not willing to let her go just yet.

So let’s not give up. Not yet.

Because I know God is going to do big things with your life, with my life. I know that He is working everything together for our good.

So those dreams that you’re holding over the trash, ready to let go of them- pursue them instead. Keep chasing after them. I know they seem big, but our God is bigger, and He’s right beside us every step of the way.

Don’t give up… I’m cheering you on.

She remembered whose she was, and the game changed.


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About Janine

twenty-something, relentlessly pursuing after Jesus and a life of dignity, grace, and strength.
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